In a Fog

 Same Chaos, Different Day

Some things never change. Anytime a piece of the past comes back up to the surface level of the ocean, I can't help but wonder why. They say when you get saved and you give your life to Christ, ask for forgiveness for all you've done that Jesus casts all of those things out of memory into the sea of forgetfulness. They take this from the scripture in Micah 7:19 where it says You will again have compassion on us and hurl all our iniquities into the depth of the sea. There is also another scripture in Jeremiah 31:34 that says I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more. So God removes our forgiven sins beyond any possibility of retrieval. But, I remember it all because I'm not God. I'm just a mere human in a world full of sin and my memory serves as a reminder of all the pain I have been through and all my fears that stem from those memories. I struggle deeply with trust in relationships. I have every reason to struggle. I've been lied to so many times by the people that I love and trusted. I've been betrayed by those who I felt so secure in but now I walk on eggshells. Are the repeated sins of my loved one a sign that it's time to let go or to separate from? I can't understand what God wants me to do. Or maybe I just won't listen. My heart isn't ready to let go and I'm scared of taking the next step. I think all anybody really wants is to be loved by someone they can trust and feel secure with that person. A best friend they can spend all their days with and know that this is where they are meant to be. I hope I will truly hear what God is telling me soon. But I wonder if I'll listen. Please pray for me if you will to make the right choices and for God's will to be loud in my life.